


i love you (and i'll never be alright again)

by orphan_account



Category: I Am Not Okay With This (Comics), I Am Not Okay with This (TV 2020)
Genre: Canon Lesbian Character, Cute, DINA IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD, F/F, FUCK BRADLEY LEWIS, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, MEN RUIN EVERYTHING, Oblivious, Sydney Novak is a disaster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:00:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23259544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Late night drives call for late night confessions. What could possibly go wrong?
Relationships: Dina & Sydney Novak, Dina/Sydney Novak
Comments: 4
Kudos: 76





	i love you (and i'll never be alright again)

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY!! I kinda hate this fic but I absolutely LOVE these two. I'm very excited for season two, which hopefully should be getting the green light. I hope you're all staying safe during the pandemic going on right now, and taking care of yourself correctly. Here's a little sydina, as treat. Let me know how to improve in the comments or if you loved it and all that! 
> 
> Title is from "High to Death" by car seat headrest.

Dina picks Syd up at around 2:17 am. Syd had called her, her voice hoarse on the phone. She couldn't sleep. It was recently, her dad weaving his way into her dreams, causing her to wake up in a cold sweat. She wish she could say she's gotten used to it, but it doesn't scare her any less.  
Syd manages to sneak out of her window into her backyard. Her mom has been falling asleep on the couch more than her own bed, so she doubts that she will notice her absence. Dina is waiting on the side of the road. She's in an old janky Corvette, her father's prized possession. She knows he'd kill her if he knew she was driving it around. He doesn't know though. Her dad doesn't pay much attention to her.

Syd can see Dina's beaming smile from behind the wheel, one that always made her feel safe, but strange. In a good way, if that makes any sense. Dina taps the passenger seat beside her. Syd gives her a wave of recognition and jogs over to the door.

"Hey" Dina says softly. Her hair is up in a bun, with a couple strands falling loose in the back. Syd thinks she must've been sleeping. She feels guilty for waking her up.  
"Hi." Syd replies, her voice shaky even though she stopped crying after she called Dina.  
Dina ignores it, and instead puts attention onto another matter.  
"Where too?" She glances at Syd, fingers drumming the steering wheel, her eyes are glowing almost, and shes looking into Syd's blue eyes. Like she's searching for something in her soul. It makes Syd uncomfortable even though it's just eye contact, and the drumming starts to piss her off. 

"Water Tower?" She suggests.

"You got it boss." Dina replies in a Mafia accent, smirking at her as she starts the engine up. She's still in her pajamas, an old band t-shirt that her and Syd love, and gray sweatpants. Syd thinks she looks nice. Cute, even.

"So, what is it this time?" Dina tries to ask. She's always been very careful with Syd. Especially recently, her anger issues seemingly bursting at the seams.  
Syd is cautious to answer. She can say her dad, it's always her dad. But there's something more. She can't even place it herself. Things gone unspoken between them. Stolen glances, bodies touching. Things they did but never discussed. Her mind races, about everything and anything, and she realizes she left Dina hanging.

"Oh, Um, my dad, I had a nightmare."

Dina winces, "He can't seem to leave you alone, huh?" 

"I guess not."

Dina nods. Her eyes are trained on the road, even though nobody's going to be out this late. She's taking the long way to the water tower, and going 5 below the speed limit. Usual behavior. Syd's eyes had been stuck on the window almost the entire ride. She takes in the places she's known half of her life. The bowling alley, the corner store, their high school. The town had always been bland, but now it just looked dead.

"Did you want me to play anything?" Dina asks, her doe eyes still focused on the street. She's gripping the steering wheel as if it's going to fall off.

"Um, you can, if you want." Syd replies.

"Cool, some bloodwitch alright?" 

"Yup."

Dina clicks her tongue and pops in a tape that Her, Syd, and Stan made. Stan states it's his best work. Syd says he didn't even make any of the music. He agreed, but was still proud. Syd thought that was fair. 

The music fills the heavy silence that was weighing down the car. It was usually quiet whenever they did this. Syd talked if she needed, Dina talked if needed. When not, they just drove. Syd doesn't want the attention to be all on her. She decides to turn it towards Dina.

"How's Brad, ah, How are you and Brad?" She can't stand her voice.

Dina inhales sharply, and speeds up a bit. She turns down the music.  
"We got in a fight, it was so asinine, I can't even remember what it was about."

"Oh" 

"He's, he's really mad at me. I don't really know what I did." She forces out a chuckle. It makes Syd sad. "He's always been difficult and I guess I just gotta be more careful. I can't give up something like him. He's too good." she rambles.

Syd wants to scream. Dina is light-years better than brad. She deserves better than him. His dumb stupid face, and his ugly jacket that Dina loves. His lack of responsibility and care. Fucking asshole.

"I'm sorry Dina." is all she can manage, because what is there to say?

"I know Syd, I'm so glad I can talk to you. You're my best friend." Dina admits, and she lets out a sigh. 

Syd forces her a smile. Of course.  
"Yeah," "Best friends"

Dina turns her eyes back on the road. "Shit, almost there already?" She shakes her head. "Looks like we're going to have to take the long way back."

Syd loves spending time with Dina. It's her favorite thing to do. Nothing compares to it, Not getting high (unless it's with Dina), not messing with Goob (unless it's with Dina) not even masturbating. (she doesn't let herself think about Dina). But right now, all she wants to do is leave. To get the hell away. She watches as Dina parks carefully in the parking lot, a few minutes away from the tower. As soon as the car stop, Syd bursts out of it. She storms off towards the tower. If she can get away, she won't have to say anything. She won't even have to acknowledge it on the ride back.

"Syd? SYD!" Dina calls out from behind her. Dina's running to catch up with her, and she's worried as hell. "Syd!" Dina says. She finally caught up with her, and she places a hand on Syd's shoulder. She flinches.  
Dina slowly pulls her hand away. "Hey, what happened this time. It wasn't just about him, was it?' Dina pokes, sincerity in her voice. She's gentle, care being put into every word.  
Syd hasn't moved a bit since she caught up. She knows if she turns around, it'll spill out. She's acting like a child. Playing the game of 'if I can't see them, they can't see me'

"Syd, please just say something."

Syd finally turns around. There are tears welling up in Dina's eyes. She's such an asshole. Fuck. Only she would make Dina feel more shitty while she's already having a shitty fucking night. She was the worst.

"Fuck" is all she can manage. Dina is wrapping her arms around her, engulfing her in a hug. Small circles being rubbed into her back by Dina's thumbs. She can Dins'd feel tears rolling down her back, and hear soft sniffles. She lets herself fall in deeper, even though it hurts more than if Dina just left her. She's the first to pull away, but only after a few minutes.

"It's not about my dad. It never was."

Dina wipes her eyes. "I figured it wasn't. You've gotten better about him. I'm proud of you, by the way.'

Syd nods and swallows her pride. "It's about, uh, It's about us. More me, honestly. I, I don't even know."

Dina doesn't know what to say, so she doesn't say anything. She just lets her talk. Syd had always admired Dina's patience. She gathers her thoughts, or what's left of them. She doesn't really know how to say it, so just says

"I love you." 

The tears in Dina's eyes swell up again. "Yeah, I love you too."

"No, Not like- ugh" 

Syd's never been brave. That was Dina's thing. Dina would always be the one to do something stupid. Not caring who seen. Dina would always tell someone to fuck off, or if she saw someone cute, to give them a wink. Syd was more reserved, observing and noting. Watching, never interacting. She does something like this, only because of Dina. Dina always made her feel brave. She walks up to Dina and places her hand on Dina's cheek. Dina is still. So still Syd wonders if she's alive. Syd has dreamt of their lips connecting more often than she'd like to admit. A million ways it could go down. Never like this.  
Her lips meet Dina's. Their soft and warm, and Syd can taste the cherry chapstick that she watched her put on in the car.

When she pulls away, Dina is still not moving. Syd doesn't know what do to. She probably just fucked their friendship over, for good. She literally has a boyfriend.

"Syd," Dina starts, seemingly regaining consciousness after what felt like forever.

"I'm sorry, I should've nev-"

Syd is cut short by Dina's lips. This time, there's no holding back. All the years of waiting, yearning, wanting. All of the things they thought they would never do. Everything they've kept to themselves, was being poured into eachother. The lust, the passion, the desire. They're mesmerized by their lips, tripping over one another's tongue. Doing anything and everything to push deeper, saying that it wasn't enough. They need more of eachother.

She pulls away, and inhales deeply.  
She looks at Syd. Eyes moving all over her face. Taking her in like it's going to be the last time she sees her. 

"Syd, you have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to do that."

"I bet I've got you beat." Syd quips 

"Can we discuss it after making out in my car?" Dina's hand is already grabbing Syd's, and she's more dragging than leading her to the car.

"Gladly."


End file.
